Week 19: Direct Current

As Rasheed Ogunlaru once said, “See money as the flow of energy and giving that cycles between you, others and me”. Now I’ve come to realise in week 19 that this flow is purely a Direct Current from Me to Others, but not involving a great deal of cycling back. None in fact (this sort of cycling is not to be confused with the other form of cycling which involves Me and Others, a Carbon or Aluminium Steed and a sore arse). And this realisation has lead to Discussions.

Discussions are a consequence of Thoughts, but are a lot more dangerous. We all know that Thinking can lead to states of Confusion and Dudgeon, and is generally best avoided. Sometimes, however, Thoughts escape. They do this by hiding in the back of your head, and whilst you are looking the other way, come rushing out of your mouth before you have time to stop them. And once a Thought is on the loose, all you can do is watch it as it bounces around the place, occasionally catching Others at just the right angle for them to start to have Thoughts as well. Before you know it, Others’ Thoughts are also bouncing about and Discussions are inevitable.

Week 19’s Discussions stemmed from a series of Thoughts that escaped whilst I was checking my bank balance.

“Bleeding Hell, we are spending at double the rate that I anticipated!” was the first.

Then, “Wait a minute, I don’t earn anything but I‘m paying for everything!”. Not a great second.

Followed by, “Your balance must be very nice by now!”. A Third Thought definitely worthy of second thoughts.

Gin, so called because of her habit of using the stuff as hand sanitiser, is hit by all three Escaped Thoughts in succession and immediately fails to prevent one of her own escaping in return.

“Well, if you weren’t cooking recipes requiring Unicorn every week, the bill would be fine!”

No wait Mr H don’t say ... too late ... “My cooking? It’s your bloody gin consumption!”

I can see Marcus Wareing trying to jump off the cover of “Marcus At Home” to hide inside Theo Randall’s “Pasta” cookbook. I’m distracted by this unusual behaviour from a printed chef, and decide that maybe I should re-visit the recipes from the last few weeks to get a sense of the truth.

Venison Cannelloni

Brill with Mussels, Samphire & Parsley

Ribeye Steak with Pepper Sauce (Port and Brandy based). Twice. We liked it that much.

Confit of Duck with Borlotti, Chorizo Jam & Sage

Lobster with Black Pudding

Lancashire Herb Crusted Racks of Lamb

Hmmm. I may be on a sticky wicket Discussing this one. Looking at that lot, I may also be eating my way to heart failure. Bugger.

And so it came to pass, dear chums, that Week 19 became the week in which an Escaped Thought turned us almost Vegetarian over night. One Fancy Dan dinner a week in future, otherwise, healthy and involving those vegetable things.

Week 19 was traumatic then Mr H? Well, no not really. It was actually rather nice. Addressing the deficiencies highlighted in my Three month Probation Meeting, the house was cleaned and the washing basket kept clear (not without Additional Feedback that Too Much Washing was being placed in the machine in one go, but hey, no one had to wear the same pair of draws twice). There were Zoom calls with beers and chums, there was some golf (bad) and a very nice 51 mile ride out with Beresford Senior and Junior.

Gin had a particularly nice week, teachering duties aside, as she invited her sister (Piggy) and Big B over to celebrate Piggy’s special birthday. Piggy’s surprise birthday gift was gin (as opposed to Gin, because that would just be weird), which was no real surprise to anyone. Still much quaffing and laughing, and the World’s Most Expensive Leg Of Lamb (purchased by your truly, as the Direct Current continued to flow) led to a very happy evening.

BT (Boy Teenager) was on surprise birthday duty this week as well. He and his mates decided to club together to fund a pair of new football boots for a friend who hadn’t got any. We thought this was a wonderful gesture, until he tried get us to fund it.

“Dad, I’m going up the park with my friends. Can I have £20?“

“Twenty? For sweets and a drink? What you buying, whisky?“

No that included a tenner towards his mate’s boots. The Direct Current stuttered to a halt at this point.

BT has also emerged from his nocturnal phase, so we are now back trying to hold him to being awake during the day and asleep at night. History suggests that we will not succeed, but try we will.

GT (Girl Teenager) has been a bit up and down this week, sometimes hiding away as missing her friends, and other times challenging us to “Beat the Intro” or ”Bop or Flop”. Spotify is a wonderful thing for passing an hour trying to be the first to recognise a tune.

And so into week 20 and the low budget, healthy Veggie, eating regime. The weather forecast says “windy”.

Love & elbow-grease,

Mr H x

PS Budget update: the bill for the coming week, with its cheap ingredients, is still £50 more than expected. Why? Two bottles of gin have been purchased because “they were on special offer”. The Direct Current may have to cycle to more of an Alternating one .....