Week 5: Covado Delivers

"Get back! I don't want your cash!"

I'm backing away from an older, retired gentleman (name withheld for data protection reasons) as he advances towards me with a £20 note extracted from his wallet.

"I don't want it!" I cry, edging down the path.

"Have some of mine then!" says the older, retired lady (name also withheld for data protection reasons), trying to wrestle her way passed him.

"No, I don't want yours either!"

I've not turned into some sort of modern-day Anti-Dick Turpin, although "Stand there whilst I deliver!" would sort of work.

No, these are the words of Mr H, delivery driver for Covado, the new super-clean grocery delivery service to the "We haven't been classed as vulnerable, but really should have been" set. There's a surprisingly large number of them too according to friends with similar aged relatives (over 80? Check. Had heart surgery? Check? In remission from cancer? Check. Dodgy lungs? Check. "I'm afraid to advise you that you are insufficiently vulnerable to be classed as vulnerable". What?).

Covado prides itself on a hyper-sanitised, socially-safe-distanced delivery service. Everything, including the the driver, has been sprayed and wiped within an inch of its life with various forms of anti-bac. Even the bloody "van" has been deep-cleaned. And delivery is carefully orchestrated; for safety reasons, bags are deposited on the door-step whilst the driver retires to a Covid-friendly distance and rings to let the recipients know delivery has been made.

Simples. Well, yes. Except payment hadn't been discussed.

So imagine Mr "I've been so sanitised I have no skin left" H's horror in the face of two determined Octogenarians, hell-bent on paying on the spot for their bread and spuds, germ-laden £20 notes being waved under his nose? Do they not realise he won't be allowed in at home until he's been pressure-washed if he gets within 2 metres of such filthy items (the money, not the older people. Bless 'em, they still shower every day)?

As Mr H falls backwards down the step at the bottom of the path, the Advance of the Cash is temporarily halted, giving sufficient time to agree to "pay me electronically".

Who knew that shopping could be so dangerous?

Week 5 then.

I'm not saying it's dull being stuck at home, but when the highlight of the week is re-arranging the fridge (two year old brandy butter anyone?) and making an inventory of the freezer contents (what can you do with four years out of date chicken?), you know the pace of life has changed somewhat.

There's also the matter of household routines. I'd just about got myself into some sort of order in running the house (albeit somewhat biased towards complex dinners), and Boom! All change. Gin (the Mrs) is now at home all the time, and its a bit too easy to leave things for her to do (which is broadly how it used to work). She is of course still working; the upshot: piles of junk (including the dismembered King Sized bed from last week occupying the Sitting Room) building up round the house. Like everyone, we have so much TIME and NO VISITORS, so where's the impetus to do anything about it?

And the trouble with having Time is too much Thinking. B (for "Boy") has been struggling to sleep as he is getting bad thoughts when he closes his eyes. The challenge over duvet covers, pillows and bedding continues as he wrestles to find something comfortable to sleep in, on and under. He's not alone. G (for "Girl") is worried about college entry, having just received an offer which is subject to a "strong attendance record" for the remainder of her time at her current school. Something tells me they haven't thought that one through. And I'm convincing myself that I have Covid-19 because I have a bit of a sore throat, which has been there for weeks ... roughly as long as the outbreak in the UK. I wouldn't be imagining it would I?

Still, good news! The Wine Club continues to deliver. But Bad News! So many people have signed up, its stocks are running low and and it isn't doing special deals to entice you to buy. Which doesn't explain why we have 76 bottles arriving over the next 4 weeks.

I shall have to rename this Blog "A journey with Mr H, house-husband and carer - drunk and in lockdown".

And with that, we enter Week 6, which is starting to look like it could be remarkably like week 5. Or is it week 4? I dunno.

Stay safe if you go out, but better still, stay in.

Love & elbow grease,

Mr H

PS As I write, Gin has signed up as a Covado driver and is out delivering Emergency Cuppa Soups to her Special sister in Carshalton. It's an understatement to say that she is excited to be wave "hello". She will of course receive the full Karcher variable-control pressure-wash treatment when she returns to base. I suspect it will be worth it.